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This blog is all about all the things that make me up. I am a Mother, I am a Pagan Witch, I am a Wife, I am a homemaker, I am a student, I am Spiritual, I am a Teacher, I am Liberal Hippie, I am a Voter, and I am extremely opinionated! Plan to see it all! If you don't like what you see, feel free to leave! However, chances are, if you stick around, you'll find more to love than hate!


Friday, January 31, 2014

Update: Being Overwhelmed & Seasonal Depression

January is just about over, we're actually able to start counting down the hours until February starts.  And I have to admit, I am feeling like quite the little failure here!  I have made some great goals, and I made the first steps to achieving them. But with the onset of the Holidays last month, then the flu that my entire family had for more than a week this month and now with the kids' school schedule all messed up due to the freezing temperatures and way to much snow, I've all but stopped progressing.

Each and every year I deal with the same issues.  I start out well, I have good intentions, I make a plan, I even start working on it... Then January comes and I burn out.  I have Fibromyalgia. So the winter is both depressing and painful for me. January and February are the hardest months for me over all.  They are the coldest months of the year where I am, and thanks to ridiculous weather there is little to no structure or schedule - which I desperately need.

I all to easily slip back in to old habits and, more than anything, just want to climb back in bed and stay there til May.  I have a short temper, I'm extremely irritable, and overly stressed... I'm depressed and find myself spacing out and unable to focus.  And it's really hard to kick this.  More than any other time of the year, I need to be able to focus on moving forward now. But that feels like an impossibility.

So all this means it's time to revamp and jump-start my goals.  I've found that breaking down my goals in to smaller, more manageable goals is a must, otherwise I'm dooming myself to fail.

Seasonal depression, and depression in general, is easy to get caught up in.  You don't always realize what's happening til you've slid so far backwards that you feel there is no way out. And unlike nearly any other illness, depression makes you not want to fight back. You just want to curl up under a big fluffy blanket and give up. You stop talking to others, the sound of the phone becomes painful.  Your children become super annoying. And the last thing you want to do is listen to your spouses stories about work. If you allow it, depression will ruin your life.

Thankfully, I know the signs. I've dealt with it year after year for as long as I can remember.  And thankfully, I'm BiPolar, so I've been able to realize the difference between my up and down times. To some degree I can control my "down days" by keeping a good healthy diet. The problem comes in though when I get in a rut, the last thing I care about is healthy food...  I want grease, fat, salt & sugar!  And words like carrot become taboo in my house!

Because of this, I've decided it's a good idea to not only continue to work on creating and living a healthy diet, but to add "create frozen meals" to my goal list.  I need to focus on making foods while I'm feeling good, that can be easily heated for dinners later in the month, when I'm not feeling well.

Unfortunately I didn't do that a month ago when I wasn't feeling like this.  Now I feel like I can't possibly get caught up to where I want to be and I really don't feel like I care if I do.  Truth is, I know I care, which in some ways makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm failing myself.

I guess, since I know I'm falling behind, and I know I'm dealing with depression, I haven't really failed at all.  What's that saying? "Knowing is 9/10 of the battle"?!?  Well, I know, so that part of the battle is over.  Now I need to get down to solving the issues and getting back on track.

I have tripped up, but so long as I get back on my feet, I can not truly fail! 

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